life, love, and everything

new music and gifted musicians

2008-11-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

There is just something about sitting and listening to a gifted musician play his or her instrument. When someone is becoming a master of their own instrument, it is a truly inspiring thing to be a part of.

I believe, music, in it's purest form, has the ability to take someone from "you have my attention" to "what you are doing with that instrument right now puts me in a state of awe."

I've been "in awe" a few times in my life. When I asked my wife to marry me (and her subsequent "yes"), when my daughter was born, every time my daughter smiles at me, standing on top of mountains in Colorado, swimming with sea turtles, feeling complete love from family, and listening to gifted musicians top the list.

In fact, right now, I am the only one in the audience for a new band that is writing some seriously great tunes and performing them as I type. You could say I'm lending them some space and a sweet sound system to run through some songs.

It's just inspiring to listen to some new music that was written from the heart.

Plus all the musicians I'm listening to right now are certifiable masters of their instruments. Inspiring.

I don't know why I have such a love for music, but I do. I can't play anything besides a few chords on a guitar. I can throw a baseball or talk in front of people way better and easier than I can play anything musical.

Maybe part of my love for music comes from knowing a few people who play music so fantastically well that it does nothing but inspire me when they play.

Or maybe it's that music, when played well, gives you an idea that the world was created with a sort of rhythm. A sort of beat. A sort of structure that life, when lived well, points you to something larger than life.

Tonight, I find joy in listening to songs that aren't yet on the radio. Great songs with great musicians.

Um, which one do you want?

2008-10-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

This morning, like every Tuesday morning, I go to the local Starbucks to meet with a few of my senior students. We have a great time talking about life and love and, well, everything.

Until it's time for school to start. Bummer.

This morning's conversation was filled with the potential of taking a "gap" year between high school and college. Harvard is actually encouraging these "gap" years. They're finding that students party less, study more, and take their time investing toward their future when they take a year off between high school and college.

A young friend of mine tried that at his house and his dad told him he wasn't going to do that under his roof. Take a year off, he said, fine. "But not under my roof."

Funny.

Anyhow, on my way to and from Sbux I pass a few car lots. This morning I realized the used car industry has gone haywire.

I saw two white vehicles.

Same price.

Same mileage on the big window sticker.

Same color.

Same brand.

But not even close to the same size.

Both vehicles were $5900.

But one was was a Ford Focus (small compact little effecient thing). And one was a Ford Expedition (ridiculously huge not effecient at all thing).

What has the world come to?

Well, in the words of Dave Ramsey, "Now is the time to buy that big 'ol honkin' truck if you ever wanted one."

Thanks, Dave. Appreciate it.

Oh yeah, my drink of choice this morning was a Grande Awake Tea.

Then I got Kellie a Grande Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate (I know what you're thinking, so stop it and just go get one).

Student Minister
Church at Mt. Gilead

silly Microsoft

2008-10-13T07:27:00.001-07:00

Last Thursday night Kellie and I were at small group at our friend's house. We had a great discussion concerning personal financial matters, how to be a good steward, when is enough enough, all things that young married people need to sort through. During small group the question was asked, "What would you do if you suddenly were gifted a million dollars?" I said the first thing I would do is something obscenely nice for someone I know. Really, I think the first thing I would do is an outrageous act of generosity towards someone I care about.

Then I would take my wife to the Louvre. Someday we're going to do the Paris thing. And the "vacation in the south of France" thing. And the "African safari" thing.

Then I would buy as many LifeStraw's as I could. By the way, a LifeStraw is a really thick "straw" where adults and children can safely drink out of any water-filled area. The LifeStraw has about nine filters in it that filter out disease and water-borne illnesses. This is especially helpful for places in third-world countries where lack of clean water kills every day. By the way, illness resulting from the lack of clean water is the largest killer in our world today. You would think that the largest killer is AIDS or war, but no, lack of safe, clean, drinking water is where we need to direct the majority of our efforts if we truly want to save the world. Forget being green, we need to go clean, as in clean water.

I brought up the LifeStraw idea as a part of what I would do if I was given a large sum of cash and the room just kind of stared at me like most Americans do when they encounter something they don't understand. I tried to explain the idea, but then I gave up and decided to show the interested people the website after small group.

We got on the computer, a Window's - running desktop, and explored the glory of the LifeStraw. By the way, you can put one of these in someone's hands for about $3. Yep, less than a Mocha from Starbucks.

After we explored the LifeStraw website, complete with charts and graphical goodness, I asked if anyone had seen the coolest thing Microsoft has ever thought up. Again, stares. Microsoft Surface. It's pretty cool. It may be the future of social computing. Some hotels are already on board. For all the woes and trouble that constitute Microsoft, Surface is pretty innovative. We watched a couple videos about the Surface thing and had a good time. Then someone brought up another innovative and cool thing to drool over, so we decided to open up another page to look at that website.

That's when the computer froze.

Apparently looking at two web pages at once is too much to handle. We were looking at some videos on what could be the future of Microsoft and then the computer freezes. I thought, WOW, Microsoft is finally coming up with some pretty innovative ideas, but then they blow it because their current stuff doesn't work.

Silly Microsoft, innovation is for Mac.

It's kind of like that guy everyone knows who tries to be someone other than himself. Just. Doesn't. Work.

Oh yeah, Crispin Porter Bogusky, the new ad agency that Microsoft is paying $300 million dollars to create an appearance 180, uses Mac's throughout their offices. In their own words, they say, "Microsoft needs a paradigm shift." I would have only charged $200 million for that advice.

Go send a case of LifeStraws to Ethiopia.

Twitter code

2008-10-08T09:29:00.001-07:00

ok, so the Twitter code is messed up somehow and displays some type of computer language underneath my status...

oh well...

new blog!

2008-04-25T08:57:00.001-07:00

benjaminj.tumblr.com

enjoy

BJ Bungard

Student Minister
bjbungard@mgchurch.org

I love being a dad

2008-04-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

Church sign

2008-04-23T05:47:00.001-07:00

I saw another stupid church sign the other day.

Don’t get me wrong. Church signs are ok – IF – all they tell people is the name of your church, address, maybe website, phone number, etc.

Church signs are NOT OK if they say much else.

I wish I snapped a picture when I drove by said church sign, but I didn’t.

Church signs that say stupid stuff represent most of what’s wrong with current American church culture.

We can all google “stupid church signs” and find crazy stuff people put on there. “Cute” sayings like “The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.” “Our Sundays are better than Baskin-Robbins.” “This church is prayer-conditioned.”

You know, the “cutesy” sayings that some church leaders actually think will get people to come into the church. The thing is, it will get some people. Like 2 out of 100. And they will be over 50, probably female, and have church background. Unchurched people that live in the real world look at that those sayings and immediately label the church as irrelevant to what is actually happening in today’s world.

Ok, pause. Sip coffee. Good coffee. It’s free coffee Wednesday at your local Starbucks. If you have the little free coffee Wednesday card. Look in your newspaper or ask a Starbucks regular where they got theirs. Yum. Pike Place brew is smooth and tasty.

The latest church sign I saw said, “Salvation’s intention is hell prevention.”

Now, that’s not necessarily “cute” or anything. The problem is their view of the purpose of salvation. If salvation was intended to be a get out hell free card, then Jesus would not have said he came to give people life, and life to the full. Salvation should mean something now. Salvation, freedom in Christ, should mean something to how you live your life now. Salvation should give you a different perspective on life. But, apparently, salvation, in some people’s eyes, is little more than a ticket to heaven.

I know that’s theologically very basic, but that’s all I have time for right now.

Enjoy the weather, good coffee, and friends. I will do all three today.

This morning's thoughts

2008-04-20T06:24:00.001-07:00

This mornings thoughts in no complete, thought-out, systematic, or meaningful order:

There is freedom in boundaries.
Life catches you off-guard sometimes.
I like being married, despite the rough edges two people in a marriage have.
I lived through my first earthquake last night.
All coffee is not created equal.
Spring is my wife’s favorite season. Makes me want to buy her something springy.
God’s hand is moving in this world.

So it would seem...

2007-11-09T05:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't been home lately. I've had something every night this week. This just happens to be the same week that my wife started sleeping a ton more. So me being busy and her being sleepy means the moments are rare that we get to spend really quality time together.

I am planning a slow down after this weekend.

My wife is sleeping more because that little baby is growing inside of her. I don't have that good of an excuse as to why I'm busy.

It may seem crazy, but the best moments of communication between my wife and I are that hour between 545 and 645 AM. Yeah, I know.

So it would seem that being busy keeps you from communicating well with whom you love. Rather, it's just a matter of moving some dirt and building those few and frequent precious moments that two people in love need to be two people in love.

Putting words into words

2007-11-05T19:00:00.001-08:00

It's a bit hard to describe what I'm feeling/thinking/being right now. I'll try my best, though.

Over the past couple of days I have had a couple of conversations that could potentially alter the course of my life. It's nothing that require more of me than I'm willing to give, so I'm left in a bit of a wandering spot.

I have come to be aware that one who keeps their eyes open will never be lacking for opportunities to lead, learn to lead, and learn something new.

In my quest to lead, I have found myself actually leading what could be the greatest youth movement our city has ever seen. Really. Potential is outstanding.

In my journey of learning leadership, I have found myself in some great relationships where I am both mentor to some and mentee to others. It's a great spot to be in - learning.

In my life, I have always been open to opportunity. Opportunities arise all the time when one is looking. My eyes have been peeled lately. I'm very interested to see how these opportunities show themselves in the near future in the form of doors - open doors, closed doors, and doors that are cracked open to a dark hallway where I can't see where I'm going. It's an exciting time in my life right. Really exciting.

There is more good, truth, beauty, love, and pure joy in my life right now than ever before. And I want to keep it that way...

Welcoming back yourself

2007-10-25T05:04:00.001-07:00

In many ways, I would find it hard to believe that anyone but me is reading this due to my extreme lack and blatant disregard for this blog since, um, May.

There has been much happen since then. Without boring myself through the details, I will sum it up in a few sentences.

My wife and I are expecting our first little one. This has us both in quiet and eager anticipation for what that will be, feel, and look like. We don't know whether or not it's a boy or a girl. We do know that the baby will be a blessing.

I worked myself crazy this summer with youth ministry trips. Enough said. Youth ministry trips can be wonderful and fulfilling, while at the same time be emotionally and physically exhausting.

There have been some words spoken my people I respect that have shifted and shaped me into someone I can live with over the past few months. These people that are in my life are both inspired and inspiring.

Some goals have been "rethinked." Ministry feels different now, in a compelling way. Love is truly the greatest human emotion. Personal growth still finds me trying to be this person I know I want to be.

All in all, it's been a great - pause - .

My young friend has arrived for coffee. He thinks I'm a hero. No joke. He put that on his facebook. He's inspired and working on the inspiring.

May you be inspiring today.

Out with the old plan...

2007-05-25T04:51:00.001-07:00

Jars of Clay "Good Monsters" album is quite good.

I just listened to "Dead Man" quite loud in my car. It's going to be a great day.

Out with the old plan...

Par for the course

2007-05-15T05:04:00.001-07:00

I went golfing yesterday as part of a monthly youth minister get-together we do around here.

There were twelve of us so we played a best-ball scramble.

It was a great afternoon. Sometime over the last couple of weeks I apparently learned how to play golf.

The golf was fun, but I think what I enjoyed more was being outside in the sun for a few hours. Believe it or not, I think I needed that youth minister golf outing yesterday.

I'm sure I could have made better use of that time, but now I am refreshed enough to make good use of the rest of my time this week.

I think I am going to cut my hair now. I am really looking forward to brewing a pot of Starbucks this morning.

Down with Folgers.

A great dinner

2007-04-24T18:57:00.001-07:00

I cooked dinner on the grill tonight. I think it was the finest cuisine I've cooked in a long, long time.

Two perfectly marbled ribeye steaks rubbed with a blend of seasonings grilled to medium-rare perfection on the grill. Cooking inside were home-grown green beans alongside pasta sprinkled with a blend of parmesan and certain italian seasonings.

That's a great dinner.

And then dessert came. Mint Chip Sundae Cones. The crazy thing is that my Sundae Cone was missing the cone. Sure, it was shaped like a cone, but it was missing the actual cone!

Guess you can't have it all.

But one can certainly try.

What's the difference?

2007-04-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

Pepsi is different than Coke.
Starbucks is different than Folgers.
Callaway is different than Ping.
Piper Glen Golf Club is different than Pasfield Golf Course.

My wife and I were having a pretty deep discussion last night. It's got me thinking. And pondering. And wondering.

She asked me the one question that I wish more people would ask. Because within the question lies the search for authentic Christianity, no wait, make that authentic Christ-following. I feel the need to make a distinction between Christ-following and Christianity.

Christ-following means following Christ. I know, profound. Christianity brings up all these weird emotions about the Church for a lot of people. Loads of horrendous things have been done throughout history (ancient and present) in the name of Christianity. So I would much rather talk about Christ-following instead of Christianity.

Anyhow, getting back to the question. It was prompted in our small group when we started talking about orphans and widows and how the Bible speaks about taking care of them. We talked about what our church does for "orphans and widows" and came to the conclusion that many churches choose not to observe the Book of James. Hmm.

So her question was this: "What is the difference between good church-going people and good non-church-going people?"

Great question.

What's the difference between "church people" and "non-church people?"

When I step back and look around and try to answer that question, my initial response and cursory answer is: not much.

I am failing to see the difference between the majority of Christians and, say, some of the great people on my street who don't go to church.

In trying to answer this question in conversation with my lovely wife, I think about the difference between behavior modification and true life change. I fear that many Christians focus on behavior modification rather than the gravity of how life in Christ truly affects all you do and all of who you are.

So, what's the difference between people who go to church and those who don't? What makes anybody who calls themself a Christian really truly an authentic Christ-follower?

I guess you just may have to answer that yourself. But I would say it's as vast as the difference between Christians and Christ-followers.

Thank God You're Here

2007-04-16T18:43:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I was really excited to watch this show. It's an inprov show with some really funny people. They're thrown into these scenes and have to improv. But all the setup of the show and the game showiness of this show kind of takes away from the funny stuff that happens.

They've got a cheesy host and there is a judge. Usually, that's not a bad thing, but this improv show has taken " Whose Line" and mixed it with a game show.

Nevertheless, though, improv comedians are hilarious. It takes a certain person to do improv.

I worked with a girl at Starbucks in Cincy that did improv. She was really great to be around. Good memories.

I am reminded right now of my sister laughing. She used to start laughing so hard at the dinner table that milk would come out of her nose. So funny.

Laughter is good for the soul, they say.

Planet Earth

2007-04-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted. My bad.

But I did watch Planet Earth last night on the Discovery Channel. So amazing. I think I need to buy, or have someone buy for me, the 11-part event.

It's just amazing to see the video they have captured. God's natural creation is, piece by piece, extraordinary.

So I guess, here at the office, we're getting a color laser copier and a plotter-type printer to print cool stuff on. The lady who does our publications was just in my office asking me about what kind of paper to order for it. We went through this book of paper options. You can print on canvas, super-high gloss photo paper, vinyl, there are about 65 different kinds of paper to print on. I can't wait.

I am going golfing today for the first time this season. I'm giddy. I know it's only 50 degrees, but I really don't care. It's worth it to golf with friends on a Monday.

It's actually a youth minister meeting. Seriously. We may come up with a plan to do something worthwhile in our city.

Planet Earth

2007-03-25T19:21:00.001-07:00

I am in awe of the Discovery Channel's 11-part miniseries event called Planet Earth.

I'm watching the tv thinking just how powerful God has to be to be called "Creator."

I guess this project has been five years in the making. And I think it's worth every day they put into it.

It also makes me think I have a lot of traveling to do if I ever want to experience some of this creation firsthand.

back to the mocha

2007-03-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I went back to the Mocha.

Back to the best drink Starbucks makes. Really, I think it is. And, what's better - they were out of Grande cups (medium for the "starbucks cynics") so they put everything in Venti cups.

A free upgrade, you could say.

But the point of going back to the Mocha isn't so much for the drink itself. It goes deeper than that. For me, it means that I'm getting "back to the basics," as they say. Every Friday I go to get coffee with a couple young friends and I've been going in every time thinking that I should get something "different" or "not the same." This morning I went in and went back to the mocha.

For me, that was a feeling of going back to the normalcy and routine of life.

It's good to be in a routine where things just have a rhythm (thanks, Nooma #11 for those pictures). I used to get a mocha every time I went for coffee. But lately, over the past few months, I've been telling myself that I needed to get something different just to be different. Being different - just to be different - isn't all it's cracked up to be. When you try to be different, you become like everyone else trying to be different. You start to chase the voice you want to have and leave behind the voice God created you with. I don't know about you, but the chasing makes me tired. Because when you think you find the voice you've been looking for, you realize it's someone else's voice and you've lost the one you're meant to use. In getting your voice back, part of the process is going "back to the mocha." Back to the normal, the routine, the essentials, back to the things that built your voice in the first place.

Back to a rhythm.

It feels good to be in a rhythm and focus on the essentials or being "me."

For me, the essentials are loving people (starting with my wife), following Jesus (starting with the Scriptures - Matthew 5 has been my focus as of late), igniting a personal prayer revolution (thanks to Red Moon Rising for the motivation), and being me.

I guess going back to the mocha means figuring out who I am - and loving it.

Elders

2007-03-19T17:53:00.001-07:00

We have really great elders here where I'm at.

That's a blessing.

Fresh squeezed

2007-03-19T15:08:00.001-07:00

Ok so I changed my Orange Juice again.

I got some from Scnucks and it's the store brand, which is usually just ok, but this stuff is 100 percent not from concentrate.

It tastes like fresh squeezed jus d'orange!

It makes my day.

Crucial

2007-03-18T12:54:00.001-07:00

Free throws are crucial to your game. Ohio State won because a dude can't make a clutch free throw.

For some reason, I really enjoy seeing the #1's go down. I was a bit upset when Ohio State won in overtime.

I've also been doing some research lately that is going to be crucial to ministry where I'm at.

I feel like I've been in evaluation mode all month long. That's not bad, but in a few weeks I want to have a new plan resulting from my evaluating. I think I'm getting there.

And I need a vacation.

Maui sounds nice.

Students

2007-03-16T07:00:00.001-07:00

I love ministering to students.

Students are open, they dream, they have ideals, they want their ideals to
become reality, they love grassroots movements (of which Christianity just
happens to be), and did I mention they're open?

They're open to growth. They're open to life as it was meant to be lived.

Ministry to students is just a cool thing to do.

Today is a good day and I have already had a redeye this morning. WOOHOO!

(FYI - Redeye is cup of coffee with a shot of espresso - delectable treat.)

Be blessed to be a blessing today.

300

2007-03-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

I went and watched "300" the movie. It's rated R for good reason.

Based on the true story of the Battle of Thermopylae, "300" is an accurate representation of Sparta's undying presence in the ancient world.

I thought it was awesome.

Some other friends thought it was "ok," but one of them is a worship minister, and we all know how those "artsy" types can be.

I just said that because, although he is a worship guy, he's not excessively artsy.

Either way, the movie rocked.

A deeper issue the movie brought out for me is this challenging of the status quo.

I think about the status quo a lot. And how every organization, no matter of it's leaders, settles into a routine where the status quo is appreciated. And it won't change unless someone rises to the surface and speaks clearly about challenging the status quo.

And, in the church, seriously, let's begin to at least think about challenging the status quo.

Let's mix it up a little.

Let's get crazy.

Let's fix a problem in our cities. No, let's eradicate a problem in our cities. Because when we do, the church will become that which she was called to be. By eradicating a societal problem that angers the heart of God, the church will become a place of rescue and refuge in our cities. And that, more than anything, will open up the hearts of people to have a conversation about who Jesus is.

Don't you see - Christians have to get involved in the world around them. People won't care to know who Jesus is unless they see Christians caring to know the people around them - especially the ones less fortunate.

"The poor will always be among you." That's in the Bible. Maybe the church needs to realign itself with the poor and downtrodden. Maybe the dream of Jesus is for His bride to love people - all people - regardless of habits or addictions or wealth.

Maybe the world is waiting to see the church spring into action - not just to "do something." But to be motivated by feelings too convicting to be spoken.

Frankly, I'm tired of outreach "plans" and "formulas." Plans have flaws and you can forget a forumla. But a vision as big as, say, eradicating homelessness in your city is unforgettable.

You show me a church that wants to tackle a project like that and I will show you a church that is living out the heart of God.

Don't get me wrong, lots of churches do lots of little things really well when it comes to reaching out to people. But I think our world would be a better place - well our world would be a better place if people asked me before they did anything - really, though - our world would be a better place (there would be more Jesus in our world if...) if churches chose to commit to solving a problem that is plaguing their communities.

It might be drugs. It might be homelessness, or drinking water, or poverty, or debt.

I wish I could write more, but the time has eluded me and I need to go see a friend now.

wii-cool

2007-03-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

I rocked my first Nintendo Wii experience the other night. It was wii-tastic. Seriously, one of the coolest things I've ever played with.

And I'm not even that much into video games. Really. I don't have time to play them. I wish I did. Video games are fun. But I just don't seem to take three hours to sit down and play a video game. I tell myself because I don't have any new games, but that's not true.

I'm starting to want a Wii, though. Pretty bad.

Because it's the good kind of video game. For a long time now, I have been ranting about how students get so into video games and then they start to get lazy and unmotivated because all they do is eat potatoe chips and sit on the floor with a video game controller in their hand.

The Wii is changing the game. It's still about the video game, but it's also about the activity.

For instance, "wii sports" is a game that lets you pick out different sports to play.

Tennis is fun, bowling is realistic, but boxing is awesome on the wii.

About 24 hours after boxing 15 rounds, I was a little sore. I didn't think I would be considering my workout schedule is so consistent (insert sarcasm here). But I actually was a little sore.

You take the controllers and you actually stand up and box. You throw punches in mid-air.

Check out the wii.

Because wii would like to play.

In other news, I had to almost double my hotel reservation for a Jr. high trip this weekend. Which is a great thing, but unexpected. We're going to Jr. High Believe, which my friend Johnny Scott runs, in St. Louis. We always take a good group, but this year the group is growing. Like, double, growing. Cool stuff. The funny thing is, though, that the girls that go on this trip are going to have their pick of any guy they want. The ratio is like 4 guys to 1 girl. I should be able to bring back many stories of fun adventures in Jr. High Land.

In still other news, the wife and I went over to a friend's house for dinner last night. She fixed this awesome shrimp pasta, great salad, and amazing mint brownies for dessert. Yeah, I took some brownies home with me. There were a couple of great things about dinner last night. First was the relaxing feeling of being in someone's home without having to feel like I'm working. That was nice. We watched American Idol with them and had a good time. The second great thing about dinner was Jones Organic Tea. Best Iced Tea I've had in a long time.

Insert next story here -

I talked to my sister twice yesterday, which was nice, because we haven't been talking like we used to. Bottom line - I can't wait to see my niece. I think she misses me.

set in motion...

2007-03-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

A truly majestic movement has been set in motion. People are praying expectantly for God to move in mighty ways in humanity for His glory.

I've been reading the book, Red Moon Rising, and it is capturing me. I'm being captured because there is a re-ignited global movement.

Anytime a global movement is in place, something will happen. And when that movement is largely made up of my generation, I can't ignore the need to be personally invested in it.

Zimbabwe

2007-02-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

I heard on the radio the other morning that the inflation rate in Zimbabwe is 1600%. Not 16.00% But 16 hundred percent.

And I started to wonder if that disturbs anyone else in America but me. I'm sure it does, I just need to start hanging out with those people.

I have this thing for Africa. Never been there, but I feel a connection to God's heart when I think about the good that can be done in Africa.

Lots of churches and groups are starting to get on the well-digging trend. Don't get me wrong - it's a really great trend to be on. Here's the deal, though. Lots of American groups think that digging one well in their name is enough to eradicate the problem. Somehow I don't think so.

That radio show also got me thinking about my friend from Zimbabwe that I meant while we were in college together. He was preparing to go back to Zimbabwe to plant a church. Man, he was a good preacher. His English was just ok, but he could really communicate God's heart for his fellow man.

Well, the coffee cup has run dry. But before I go, a quick update on the whole vacation thing. My parents love going on vacation. They may not admit it, but we all know it's true.

And the wife and I had a lovely time on our mini-vacation. Our time together was much-cherished by me (the trips to three different malls in one day is another story). And the cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory was simply delicious.

I think I may take my wife there for lunch. Not Cheesecake Factory, but Simply Delicious. It's a little French-inspired cafe around here that has "really cute desserts" as my wife says. And, hey, you can't beat "cute" desserts.

vacating

2007-02-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

My parents are going on vacation again.

Again. Those crazy people are always on vacation.

I guess I can't complain. The wife and I are taking a mini-vacation this weekend. We'll do some birthday shopping. Mainly for her. I might get something, but we're really going to get her birthday present(s).

It's going to be great being around my wife for more than a few hours at a time. It seems like we've been really busy when we're usually home. So it will be good to go and focus and spend some sweet time together.

And not sweet time like, "dude, that's sweet" kind of time

Sweet time together like, "hey, I love being married to you" kind of time together.

UFC

2007-02-21T19:32:00.001-08:00

I am watching Ultimate Fighting Championship right now on the television.

These guys are ridiculous. This one guy just suffered a 3-inch gash above his eye and the blood was literally dripping from his eye.

But the dude that got cut above his eye ended up putting the other guy in a "triangle." I didn't know what that meant, but apparently it's when you wrap your legs around the other guys neck and pull his face toward the floor while holding him in place so he can't go anywhere. This move is a fight-stopper because it cuts off blood flow to the brain.

Now that's effective.

And that fight wasn't even the main event. The main event is on now.

These guys are tough. Like, more tough than you think you are on your best day.

Now, UFC isn't for young children or anyone who dislikes blood and broken bones. But it's really great entertainment.

casting lots

2007-02-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

I just "cast lots" about something spiritual for the first time, I think, in my life.

A friend and I were trying to figure out what to preach on in May. We came to rest on a series of miracles, but didn't know which ones to do/not do.

There was a list of six, with a five-week series to preach through.

So we cast lots to see which miracle didn't make the cut.

Sorry, Lazarus. Raising Lazarus from the dead is going to stay in the Bible during May.

Preaching on miracles will raise obvious questions. Are there miracles today? Do we expect miracles to happen today? Is there anything miraculous about life? Jesus and the apostles did miracles, so why not anybody else? By the way, miracles happen all the time. Especially on 34th street, for some reason.

I've been brewing pots of Starbucks in the office. One of the secretaries loves it. She just brewed a pot of the 'bucks with bottled water. Awesome.

And County Market has Hansen's soda. It's all-natural soda and I REALLY miss it from the days in Colorado. This small fact made my month.

It's so hot.

2007-02-18T12:49:00.001-08:00

I think we have an unofficial heat wave.

My car said it's 29 degrees.

What a week

2007-02-16T06:24:00.001-08:00

This week has been one for the books. For starters, the snow. I love the snow. All 3 feet of it that drifted in front of my house. The snow makes everything white and bright. I like it like that.

Then there's the wife's-birthday-on-Tuesday-Valentine's-Day-on-Wednesday-combo.

That's always fun. We're going to celebrate next weekend with a little getaway.

I need to get away.

Then there's the work schedule this week. Tuesday I was stuck at home. Kellie wouldn't let me go anywhere. I wanted to go explore, but she said no on account of the high potential of me getting her car stuck somewhere. So I stayed home and we enjoyed her birthday together.

Ditto for Valentine's Day.

Today I'm emotionally preparing myself to go to a short conference with 4-5-6 graders. It's not my trip, but I'm going because it's a good transition between Children's Ministry and Youth Ministry. We should have a good time.

Some people we know from our church are coming back from China tomorrow - with their beautiful adopted baby girl. I'm incredibly excited for them. She's a cutey!

As is my niece. She's officially 8 months old now. I can't wait to see her!

Well, my treo is flashing an alert in the corner of the screen. I'm going to see what it is.

I really love my phone. My wife is starting to not love me loving my phone.

Lying is a sin.

2007-02-08T13:30:00.001-08:00

I just saw a bumper sticker that said "Don't lie to kids."

That's awesome.

Numbers

2007-02-08T12:59:00.001-08:00

I worked on taxes today.

I wrote it twice because I thought after the first time I would hear cheering and joy-filled laughter in the background.

It's not like I do my own taxes anyway. I do the prep work and send them away to someone who can tolerate numbers for more than an hour at a time.

Last year we got a pretty healthy return. Hope it turns out the same this year.

I still need to find my investment papers. I had the same problem last year, too.

Speaking of investments and paperwork, I had a very suprising conversation with one of our Jr. High students last night.

Among a myriad of other things, money came up. He started talking about investing and researching stocks and dividends and all that. I was impressed. Surprised and impressed.

Now, to reward myself a little bit, I drove myself to grab some coffee.

good.

And I am taking time to rest today. Not lay down, sleepy, lazy kind of rest. But rest from thinking about that which burdens me and frustrates me. I am kind of treating today as a Sabbath. (minus the tax prep time).

I made coffee in my new(er) French Press a couple of times now.

also

very

good.

I think coffee is meant to be enjoyed at a slower pace. Over conversation. With friends. With family.

I shared some of my press-pot java with one of our support staff. I think she is going to go get a French Press now. Especially after I told her it's the best way to get the most flavor from the coffee bean. And it is. I don't lie about important stuff like the art and science of brewing the world's second largest export aside from oil.

Well, I make it a point to not lie at all.

I am sitting beside a guy at the next table who is studying to be a doctor. I wonder if he watches Grey's Anatomy.

My very loving (and quite lovable) wife called me a few minutes ago to chat. She wants me to bring her a drink. I might.

I need to make a phone call now.

Have

good

day.

calling or following

2007-02-07T09:21:00.000-08:00

For quite a while now I have been having a conversation with my good friend Danny about the nature of following God. We've been getting into discussions on what following God is all about, how that happens, what that feels like, and, among other things, where it puts you.

He said something that has made me think for a few months now. He said he wants to write a book about it, but we'll see if that happens.

It deals with the nature of someone being "called" to do this or that. For instance, many times preachers will tell you they were "called" to be a preacher. Or a teacher is "called" to be a teacher. Or someone else is "called" into youth ministry. Or someone else is "called" into children's ministry. Or somebody is "called" to be a small group leader.

And people tend to say, "Well, I felt called to do this."

The question is whether or not God actually "calls" people to do certain things. This is a question because God has uniquely gifted all of humanity to excel at certain things. Being "called" may just be following God and using those gifts He's given you.

I have told many people I am "called" to be in ministry, but when I get right down to it, it's really me saying that I have a sense that following God, for me, means I should work at a church.

Danny told me that God doesn't "call" anybody. By the way, I wish God would call me one day. I know He knows my number.

I think part of the answer to this question may lie in how you define following God for yourself. For me, following God has led me on a path that includes me working in a church doing youth ministry right now. Along the way, I am finding that God has gifted me to do a few things and they just happen to line up with ministry.

I was reading in Romans this morning and Paul talks about God calling people. So God does call people. But the "calling" is about following. God does call people - but it's a call to follow. Following God will take you places you've never imagined. God calls people, sure, but it's a call to follow.

So Danny may be right - God may not call people to do a specific thing here or there, but He does call them to start to experience reality as God created it.

I think that's where the journey starts. In the following.

You can follow God where you live right now and you can follow God somewhere you've never been. Following may mean you do different things with your life, using your gifts (or are they talents?), but I think the bottom line is that following God starts with His "calling" you out of your life as you know it and into a really beautiful life that is full of wonder and awe.

Being blessed

2007-02-02T06:37:00.001-08:00

I could also call this post "being now."

As I sat down for a few minutes early this morning I was able to reflect. Reflecting is something I enjoy giving myself time to do.

I reflected on my family my heritage of faith that my grandmother handed down to my dad. I have told my grandma on multiple occasions that she is responsible for my faith. The legacy she has handed down is one of courage and faith through adversity. I am very blessed to be raised in a home where faith mattered. I hope I am continuing the legacy well.

I have also been reflecting on some successes I have had in ministry. It's so very easy to get aligned with all the bad and negative and wrong things about your own ministry and the church where you do that ministry. But it's so much more gratifying to dwell on the great things that are happening. I do think some attention needs to be paid to blind spots (they call them that for a reason).

It's much more refreshing, and inspiring, to think about the success you've had in this or that area.

God has indeed been blessing me. That's present tense. He is currently blessing me. He's given me certain talents and some sort of a gifting and definitely a heart to restore the church to be that which she was called to be.

I love living out my God-given gifting. It just makes me feel like I'm doing that which I was born to do.

And that, my friends, is a great way to live.

Ma souer

2007-02-02T05:04:00.001-08:00

I think that's French for "my sister."

If not, it's really close.

Anyhow, my sister is a really good writer. Like, not just okay at expressing emotions and thoughts through words, but really good. Go check out her blog and read up on the latest happenings of my family. Particularly worth the read is "the Florida post" about vacation during Christmas.

I am blessed.

More on this later, my Friday-morning coffee drinking partner has arrived.

Mochaffeinated

2007-01-31T13:14:00.001-08:00

Turns out all I needed today was a good Mocha accompanied by some good conversation.

I think that mocha's, for me, are like sedatives. I was all bored and somewhat fidgety most of the morning and through lunch. But now I have a Mocha in me, I'm all calm and level-headed.

Now I'm looking forward to the rest of the day.

One of them days

2007-01-31T09:18:00.001-08:00

This morning was one of those mornings where sleep was on the top of my priority list.

When I was getting ready for the day, I grabbed the first shirt I saw and blindly grabbed some jeans to throw on.

When really woke me up this morning was my new toothpaste 've been using for a few days now. It just tastes so good - it's a citrus flavor.

I like oranges. Whenever I go to the store anymore, I always look for 100% pure orange juice - and I've been buying the "not from concentrate" juice.

It just tastes better. Lots better.

I am really hungry right now. Lunchtime isn't too far off and that is a great thing.

After lunch I think I have decided to be super-productive and get some things done that would be better done than undone.

Today is Wednesday which means I will be seeing lots of young friends come around. Tonight promises great conversation with some people I haven't seen too much of lately.

So if today is "one of those days" for you...welcome to the club. You thought I was going to say something profound - but those thoughts are few and far between today.

#200

2007-01-30T12:52:00.000-08:00

Well this is post #200.

Doesn't seem like a lot, but then again, that's a lot of typing.

Sunday was my birthday. I preached on my birthday. I'm not sure if I liked preaching on my birthday. But it was fine. Someone told me I was "gifted."

I'm wondering if people realize the difference between talent and gifting. I don't think most people care if there is a difference. Bottom like, I think people just want to be entertained. Really - I know I do. Anyway, not the point of this post.

I got sick on Friday night and am still feeling the effects of "the illness." I call this achy, stuffed-up feeling "the illness" because it's halfway between a cold and a full-blown flu.

Every day I wake up and think I'm getting better, only to realize that I feel worse as the day drags on. Today is no different. I brewed some Starbucks this morning only to realize that I would rather be drinking green tea.

So, six hours later, I am now finishing that much-wanted cup of warm green tea.

My wife wants me to go work out with her tonight. I'm not sure I'm up to it. She wants to go do her step class or aerobics or whatever they do that looks like a choreographed dance to techno music.

By the way, I say heck-no to techno.

If I go, I would probably just do my regular thing and wait for her to get done.

But, as I said earlier, I don't think I want to go. I probably will, though. That would be just like me to go work out when I'm sick.

I do stupid stuff sometimes.

Like type on here during meetings.

In other news, I have some birthday money to spend. I probably won't spend it. Or I might spend it all at once. Or I might buy my wife something pretty. But it's my birthday money, so the latter is probably not my first option. My wife has plenty of pretty things to tide her over until her birthday in sixteen days. And Valentine's Day in fifteen days.

American Idol is on tonight - I'm sure most of America will be tuning in.

It's also $1 scoop night at Baskin Robbins. Yippee.

Starbucks

2007-01-26T13:04:00.000-08:00

I had Starbucks twice today before 9:00 AM.

It's a good day.

I had a great meeting this morning about the Illinois Christian Teen Convention. It's going to be really good come November.

The right people are in the right places and it's going to be fun to lead up to ICTC this year.

Oh - and my two phone calls were completely unrelated yesterday.

In other news, this whole "everybody buy a Mac" thing is getting out of hand. I liked it when Apple only had 3 percent market share and I was in the minority. Yes, Macs are amazing, but really, don't buy one just because it's the coolest thing since roller coasters.

Go enjoy a Frappucino. It's that good of a day.

Phone calls

2007-01-26T04:40:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I tool two very different phone calls. Actually, I took like 30 phone calls yesterday, but two stand out.

The first one I was expecting to get - and the conversation was good. I hung up the feeling refreshed from this first phone call.

The second one, though, was one I had not been expecting - at least not right now. The news he gave me on the phone was good news for him and his family and not-so-good news for me and my family.

You know that saying, "no news is good news?" Well, someone's good news can be someone else's bad news and vice versa. We had a good talk and it seemed right that we be talking about what we were talking about.

Through my two phone calls yesterday, it's becoming increasingly clear to me that following God is sometimes very hard - and that answers to prayers are found in some of the strangest places.

I also got a phone call from my sister yesterday - makes me miss my chubby, I mean healthy, little niece.

Complicated Situations

2007-01-22T17:14:00.000-08:00

That would be a great song title for an emo band who wants to write super-profound lyrics to show the world their depth of insight into the human psyche.

(that was a joke - emo bands aren't profound - they just like to see how many syllables they can fit into a sentence)

But seriously, I'm in a pretty complicated situation right now. It involves my personal, professional, and practical lives right now. My wife is being really cool about the whole thing and she has said some things over the past couple of days that have been really encouraging.

But the cool thing is that I find myself desperately searching the Scriptures to find God's heart.

I think I'm finally at a point in my life where, in all reality, I would much rather search the Scriptures for an answer than anything else.

That's awesome for me because it's not just a passing thing - it's a longing thing for me to find God's heart through the Scriptures.

It used to be a passing thing where I knew the Bible had an answer, but actually opening up the Bible would have been too easy.

It's becoming an instinct thing for me to look for God's heart on something complicated that has come my way.

The instinct thing is neat because that shows me that God is getting ingrained into the fabric of my soul. And that makes me feel a little more whole day by day.

All in all, though, life seems to be busy and complicated more often than not.

Hosea

2007-01-19T07:02:00.001-08:00

The book of Hosea (in the Bible) is awesome.

The pictures that the words form are priceless. If Hosea were a painting, it would be mysterious, because it would have a willing groom marrying an unwilling and unfaithful bride. The groom would stay faithful in the midst of his bride's guilt-bringing actions. The heart of the groom is true, while the bride's heart wanders and strays from that which would bring her comfort and peace.

Hosea is a prophet that God tells to marry a prostitute. First off - it's for real. God told someone to do that. Second, they have kids and God tells him to name his kids names that mean "God scatters" and "reversal of compassion" and the third boy's name means "a break in a covenant relationship." Not good.

Breaking a covenant was bad news.

God is speaking to his people, recounting their sins, and the book explores the wrath of God, but it also shows His heart of compassion and patience.

Definitely a part of the Bible you may neglect, but take some time for it because you may find a picture of God that is most (un)expected.

"The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them." Hosea 14:9

Casi Cielo

2007-01-12T06:15:00.001-08:00

That's the blend of coffee I enjoyed with my good buddie Jared this morning.

I don't know if it's the great coffee or the John Mayer/Dave Matthews combo on the radio - but I'm feeling very creative today.

Let's hope that translates into me getting a good amount of stuff done in a really great way.

And by the way - today - wherever you are...be there. Be fully present. It's an art that I'm still trying to get right.

Homey

2007-01-11T15:05:00.001-08:00

No, I'm not talking about what I call my friends.

I'm talking about my office after the reorganization. Yesterday a great young friend hung a huge whiteboard in my office (which is quite full of questions right now). I moved a bookshelf, the LaZBoy is in another corner, lots of "stuff" went to my storage rooms.

Much more homey. Much more comfy. Much better to think in.

The wife and I are off to dinner.

The options on the table are Subway and O'Charley's. I'm voting for O'Charley's. Can't beat the rolls.

Reorganizationally challenged

2007-01-11T11:50:00.001-08:00

I've found that many leaders are organizationally challenged. They may not grasp what vision is, or how it's different from mission, or they may not function well when trying to unify a group of people under a common cause.

And then there are the leaders who are not organizationally challenged, rather they are reorganizationally challenged. These are the leaders who may a good enough leader, but in trying to reorganize the mess they find themselves in they fall short.

What sparked this thought is that I'm getting ready to reorganize my office for the 14th time. Seriously...I counted.

mobile posting is cool

2007-01-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

mobile posting is cool

beware of dog

2007-01-09T08:01:00.000-08:00

My wife and I took our dog for a walk the other day and I saw two signs that made me really laugh.

One was just funny and the other was quite inspiring.

The funny one was blue, really small, and it sat in front of a house, in plain view when we walked by.

It said, "We don't skinny dip, we chunky dunk."

The other sign inspired me to put a sign in front of my house - or at least prominently displayed in my office.

It said, "Beware of dog."

Now, that's no big deal. Everybody has those signs that has a somewhat evil dog that doesn't like people.

The sign I'm going to put up will say this:

Beware of Dog
(the Bounty Hunter)

Now that's funny.

Meanwhile, I'm writing to occupy my mind from other issues swirling around in outer (and inner) space.

Have a really good day.

and i'm back...

2007-01-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

Since the last time we've been together, two holidays have passed, countless meals have been enjoyed with family, and about a billion calories have been ingested by yours truly. Man, I love holiday food. Gravy, chocolate, egg nog, pies of all kinds, and you can't let yourself feel bad about it because it's Christmas!

Thank goodness for the gym. But I notice that the level of holiday food I take in and the level of motivation to work out are closely linked together. The more gravy and chocolate cake, the less motivation to work out. I'm glad that's just me, though.

Now that the holidays are coming to a close...Is there an official end date to Christmas decorations being up? Once it gets to January 8th or so, I think everything resembling Christmas trees and Santas should be stored away in a box in a basement. Holiday decorations are getting ridiculous. November 1 - January 15 or so seems to be the "you can have holiday decor up without penalty" season.

I think we can shorten that up on both sides and be ok.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the holidays - I just think holiday decorations should implode after two months of use.

The reason I'm all for the holidays is that my holiday is extended through January. Why? My birthday, of course. You know where to send the gifts.

Speaking of the holiday, the movie, "The Holiday" is definitely a chick flick. Don't let anyone tell you differently. But it's a surprisingly good cinematic experience. I was surprised and impressed. That's like 4 stars from me concerning the "chick flick" genre.

I also saw "Apocalypto" a few weeks ago. Wickedly intense. Don't take your wife or anyone under 17. It's a bit bloody, yet is was one of the best movies I've ever seen. When it was over, I was actually smiling because it was over. My whole body was tense through that movie. I highly recommend it. The message, which is repeated throughout, is poignant, simple, and direct. Mel Gibson, I thank you.

I got to preach past Sunday. Every time I get to communicate God's truth through that medium, it makes me want to do it more. My dad and I had a conversation about that yesterday. He is wise.

If you've got a couple minutes, go to my sister's blog to see some pictures of my very precious niece, Addison Kay. What's the expression..."cute as a button?" I think that fits.

the one about the break

2006-11-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

I am currently taking a break from writing on this blog. I love writing and communicating through here, but for now, I am taking a break.

Check back in about a month or so.

It seems that I simply need some time to breathe.

See you soon.

election day

2006-11-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was election day...

blah...

blah...

blah...

So the interesting part - here goes.

I passed by a church that had a sign. Oh how I love those signs. Anyhow, this church's sign said, "Vote Biblically."

I wondered for a long time what that meant.

I wanted to be in compliance with said church sign, so I stopped and picked up some rocks. Voting in the Bible was done with rocks more than ballots. I think the election judge would have been angry if I took rocks into the poll with me.

blueberry bagels

2006-11-03T05:13:00.000-08:00

So I tried out a new blog (vox.com) and I deleted it.

It was worth a shot...media-rich...very cool layout options...but I couldn't link to anyone outside of vox. So I deleted it. And there were advertisements.

Someone I sent the link to was upset there were ads on my vox page. But here's the thing. She has a Myspace. There is no more ad-driven site than Myspace. Kind of funny. Good try, Amy. Good try.

I am sitting at Panera right now and really loving the classical piano in the background coupled with the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard. Writing relieves me. If preaching centers me, writing relieves me.

Man, I am coming up with all sorts of relevations this week. Good for me.

I've got a pretty big week coming up next week. I've got some family coming in town this weekend which I'm looking forward to. My brother-in-law and wife and son are coming today. That means much fun eating food, playing with Eden, watching Eden play with Maximus. Great fun all around.

I got a voicemail from my sis the other day and it was Addison saying hi to her uncle. Well, not so much, "Hi Uncle BJ!" It was more, "uh...ah..ah..coo..waaa" Still lovely sounds to hear.

It's the sounds of life like that which make you take a step back and inhale.

I'm currently waiting on a friend...oh wait...he's here.

Goodbye!

preachin'

2006-10-31T06:40:00.000-08:00

I preached on Sunday. I hadn't preached in a long time, too long, in fact. I was really nervous about some words I had chosen and language I had picked. Turns out there was nothing to be nervous about. It was fun.

Lots of positive affirmation from people I respect, too.

Kind of makes me want to be doing it more often. The affirmation doesn't make me want to do it more often, how I feel while doing it makes me want to do it more often.

Preaching centers me. A wise man told me on Sunday these words: "For the preacher, the highlight of his week are those moments while delivering truth in that format."

I was taking Maximus for a walk this morning and doing some thinking about what my role is. Not my role as Youth Minister or friend or husband, but my role as in, "What does God want me to do with what He has blessed me with?"

Not to say I came to any conclusions or anything, but there was some clarity while on a very brisk walk with the puppy this morning.

And, hey, our Family Fall Festival is this evening. So, after staff meeting, I will be donating most of my day to Children's Ministry to ensure things will run just fine.

Here's something funny. In the hallway right now there is a conversation going on about turnips. Did you know you're supposed to boil them and mash them up just like you do mashed potatoes? I didn't. May you be enlightened today.

And full of sugar. Today is the one day of the year where parents throw caution to the wind and turn a blind eye to the amount of sugar their children are ingesting. May God bless my wife as she is teaching those first-graders that have no doubt already had a pound of candy this morning. I can envision the chaos right now.

I think I'm in the mood to watch a scary movie. It's also time for staff meeting. Sometimes staff meetings are scary movies, so I may get to watch one this morning.

Happy Halloween.

becoming aware...

2006-10-26T06:34:00.001-07:00

I was listening to the news on the radio on the way back from coffee with a great young friend. I became aware of some disturbing news. As another friend of mine said, "The world scene is messed up right now."

The news guy said that North Korea has reportedly mined enough plutonium to make six or seven nuclear weapons. Why you would need more than one is mind-boggling to me anyway.

They said they heard reports that they are trying to make one small enough to fit on a missile so it could be delivered on a warhead. The weapons, if made, would weigh about 7 tons. They need to be 1-2 tons to fit on a warhead.

This news story was a bit unsettling to me. I'm sure the right people in the right places have more information than was on this news story, but still.

Some of the events going on in our world right now just make you pause and reflect.

Most of Africa doesn't have clean drinking water. The leading cause of child death in the world is diarrhea, which is caused by ingesting dirty water. Genocide in Darfur. 20-year war in Rwanda. Slave trade. Sex-slave trade, which involves more children than adults. The plight of the poor in our country and around the world. Unstable leadership in countries.

The world we live in is clearly not the one God intended in the beginning.

But I have hope in this: As I read through the Bible, God always has a way of bringing His plan to completion. In the Old Testament, there is noted some of the same atrocities we see today. But God saw His plan of redemption through to Jesus.

Now we rest in the hope that God is still on a mission to restore the world and everyone in it. I hope for the day when the "Holy City, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people and God Himself will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'" (Revelation 21:1-4)

So today, you may be stressed about something in your small world or our big world. Rest today in the truth that God knows your pain, and wants nothing more than for you, and everyone else, to be whole. Rest also in the truth that God's plan is not yet completed. Be excited that we get to be a part of making it happen.

Go and be present today. Be fully present. There is nothing better you can do today than to be fully present in the place God has you.

becoming aware...

2006-10-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

an everything week

2006-10-25T08:56:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the pause in writing. My writing time this week has been shifted to accomodate a sermon in the works for Sunday.

I'm kind of hungry right now. Like my niece, I'll bet. My sister doesn't ler her come close to going hungry. She's a healthy baby. Very healthy. Loves those bottles, moving on to cereal.

Addison Kay

2006-10-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

I just visited my sister blog.

My sister is cool. Seriously, she's just a great person. And becoming a great mom. At least I think so.

I do miss my niece, though. I've only been able to hold her a couple of times. One time, I held her, and she grabbed my finger and held on tight. It was a great moment between niece and uncle.

My wife said she was excited to buy girl clothes for Addie at Christmas time. I wanted to buy Addie a Barbie Jeep, but maybe next year.

sleeping in

2006-10-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

I slept in today. It was refreshing.

The support staff at church this morning is fixing a brunch for the ministers. Supposed to be a "Clergy Appreciation Month" thing, I guess. I didn't know I was "clergy." I think I'm a pastor, but not clergy. I think my outfits would be different if I was clergy.

Anyhow, brunch smells good. I just heard the word "streusel" mentioned, followed by the maker of the streusel running downstairs to make sure the caramel gets "drizzled" on time.

Should be a good morning.

Last night Studio 60 did not disappoint. If you didn't catch it, set aside 40 minutes and watch the whole episode at nbc.com. The show took a head first dive into one of the main characters Christianity last night. I stand amazed at how honestly they portray this character's Christian spirituality.

Great quote last night - the context was a reporter doing a big story about the show and she was asking the Christian about her religion. She says, "I'm not the only one in my church on Sunday and my church isn't the only one in town." She was wondering why her faith is noteworthy. She also said, "In most parts of the world the fact that I have faith in God would not even be noteworthy." The reporter said, "But you live in Hollywood."

I highly recommend this show.

I also highly recommend the Bears in the second half of their games. Not so much the first half last night, but they came up with a win last night. Somehow, still undefeated.

My next question is how much Bears paraphenalia I will see when I'm out and about. I don't see much now, but I'm sure the percentage will rise as the bandwagon gets larger.

Kind of like Cardinals stuff - it's everywhere. Their bandwagon is pretty big, too.

Monday night TV

2006-10-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited that it's Monday. Well, not so much for the "day" part, but I'm just kind of waiting around until 9:00 for Studio 60.

Last week I laid down on the couch at 8:30, waiting until 9 to watch my show, and woke up at 10:30 having missed the show.

That's when I was reminded how cool technology is. I watched the entire episode online for free at nbc.com. That's just smart.

I could move on to a lot of things that aren't smart right now, but I won't. I'll be nice.

Anyhow, have you ever felt like your whole day was being spent "just waiting around?"

Don't get me wrong, I've done a lot of stuff today - youth ministry stuff, planning stuff, ICTC stuff, people stuff - and none of it seemed to be what I was alive for today.

I am in no way am I saying that I am spending my whole day waiting for a tv show. That's ludicrous. I like the show, it's creative, but it's not why I'm alive.

This afternoon I find myself asking what those things are that I am alive for. The list populates quickly in my head. I'm afraid to write much of it down because once it's on paper that means it's for real. So I may not be ready to figure out what I'm alive for.

But maybe I am.

Maybe I'm ready to abandon the chase of those things I find identity in and simply figure out what it means to live in grace. Maybe it's time for me start doing that one thing I know I should be doing right now. Maybe it's time for me align myself -completely- in the will of God.

I have a feeling that if I aligned (all of) myself in the will of God some things would be different about my life. I might spend my time differently. I might talk to a whole different set of people. I might use my money differently. Some facets of my life would look a little different than they do now.

You see, I know I'm not living completely in the will of God right now. Scary, but true. My ministry, where I live, my marriage, all, I believe, completely in the will of God right now. But there is one thing that I am knowingly not doing. I know this is a bit ambiguous, but that's ok. You're in my head right now, and you don't get to know everything.

Here's some of what happened. I was in Atlanta a couple of weeks ago and I experienced a deep cut to my soul by something someone said. There are those moments in life where you know something was said solely for your benefit. This was one of those moments where I could not deny that God was stirring something up in me. After the session was over, I went out to my car asking God what he was telling me (because I didn't think He was telling what He was telling me). I sat in my car for a few minutes and wondered aloud what I would be getting myself into. It comes down to the fact that I encountered God in that side room of this big convention hall. He prompted me to do something I've been wondering if I'm able to do for a long time.

This one thing I know I'm not doing is something that I know God wants me to be doing, but I don't know if I'm ready to begin that adventure.

Maybe I am ready. Maybe I just need to dive into it. Maybe I need to abandon my fears and begin the journey.

After all, when I stand before God, I want to hear, "My son...what great adventures we had together..."

That can only happen if I take initiative to do that which I know what, maybe, I was born to do.

But maybe I'll stick to the safe side and watch TV.

Maple Macchiato

2006-10-13T07:06:00.000-07:00

I had coffee with a friend this morning. I am a sucker for cool advertising. Starbucks has this new drink called, you guessed it, the Maple Macchiato.

I like macchiatos. I like maple syrup. And the picture looked really good. It was formatted all nice and neat - it looked all "starbucksy" and everything.

So I got it. It was maply. It was starbucksy. It was good.

And my friend got a glass of water with his coffee and I was reminded of this water issue that the world is dealing with.

I told my wife about the PS3 thing I wrote about yesterday and she didn't care a whole lot. She just thinks it's crazy that people would pay multiple thousands of dollars for a video game system. "It's all about supply and demand, honey...supply...and...demand."

I'm off to a meeting concerning summer 2007. Be good today.

afternoon wall

2006-10-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

I think I just hit my afternoon wall.

I'm at that place where starting another project (or finishing a previously started one) is not very appealing to me.

On a good note, my bonfire/hay ride is still a go for tonight. It's going to be about 8 degrees, but that's ok. Everyone likes a warm fire, smores, hot chili, and when you're with high school students - fire is one of the coolest things on the planet.

So for your entertainment's sake, I will direct you to ebay. Go to ebay, search for "PS3" Once you find the new Playstation 3's listed, use the search narrower thing and search for the highest priced ones.

Here's the deal. Sony is releasing 400,000 Playstation 3's into the US. Each game store got 5 to sell, 2 for employees. That's 7 per store. Not very many. Sony started taking names and money October 10 at 10am. My friend got a few, one for himself and a few to sell on ebay. They aren't even shipped yet, and people are already taking bids on ebay. They retail for $600, but if you have one to sell on ebay, you'll get at least double your money back. Why is that? Here's why: Sony isn't going to release any more until March 2007. That means if little Timmy really wants a PS3 for Christmas, mommy and daddy are going to shell out probably 4-5 times the retail price to make Timmy happy this year.

The average price I saw on ebay was around $2500.

Crazy.

Here's the kicker. There are 1.2 billion people in the world that live in poverty. Some will die today, maybe tomorrow because they lack food, clothes, a roof. Some of those poor are in Rwanda. $3000 American money can buy and dig a well that will give a village of Rwandans clean water for life.

I vote to tell Timmy he can live without the PS3 so a village of Rwandans can drink clean water - for - the - rest - of - their - lives.

Just something that keeps me up at night. The resources that Americans have is ridiculously crazy - I say we do something good with it.

no wifi!

2006-10-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week in Atlanta, GA getting refreshed.

The sweet tea was incredible, BBQ was Southern Style, and the conference was energizing.

The down part was that the guy I went with was supposedly some sort of rewards member for this hotel chain and they promised him free wifi, but didn't deliver.

So we were like nomads for the week, searching for free wifi hotspots. We finally found one at Gandolfo's New York Deli (in Atlanta). Great sandwiches, okay mochas. We saw the sign and immediately went out to the car for the laptops. We spoke about 12 words to each other the whole meal because we were taking care of our precious email.

Pitiful, I know, but not having wifi when you're away from the office is a bit scary.

But it's also a bit refreshing to know you just can't get to your email to answer that one email from the one parent who didn't like the one thing you did that one time at that one place.

Ok, I haven't had any of those emails recently, but you know, just for dexterity, I couldn't answer one of those last week because we were, for the most part, without wifi.

But I am pretty darn refreshed right now.

I played in a golf scramble today and my team shot a 10-under 62. Not too shabby, until you look at the guys who shot 14-under. The good news about that is that I apparently learned how to play golf this summer. Today was a fantastic day.

I'm off to take that crazy little dog for a walk...

great weekend

2006-10-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon I got a great surprise that my wife and a friend had been hiding from me all week.

Guy picks me up at home on Friday afternoon, tells me to get my license and proof of insurance. I'm thinking, "What for?" Here's what for:

A very generous man and his wife decided to rent the wife and I a BMW convertible for the weekend. It was nice. BMW 325ci Electric Red Convcertible.

Coincidently, Kellie and I had a blast driving around with the top down, taking in the countryside, loving every minute of it. Maximus loved it quite a bit, too. He got in and I think he was so excited that the whole car was open, not just a window.

Now, it's still just a car, but a great piece of relaxation for the weekend.

Fun. Very fun.

Inspiring, too.

For those of you who know me well, you know that inspiration is VERY important to me.

A big thank you to generous people. Go be one.

2 Redeye's in 1 Week

2006-09-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

It's officially a great week. I was able to start two days this week at Starbucks with students. Today was with a student that I really enjoy spending time with. He's fun, growing in wisdom, and becoming a very capable leader. That, and my family has connected well with his family over the time we've been in Springfield.

This week has been really good in terms of leadership - student leadership, to be specific. I met with a group of students on Wednesday night to talk through some ministry issues and about their leadership. I'm excited. I have a solid group of students that are ready to step it up and start to lead. When I say lead, I mean making decisions and owning those decisions in our ministry. Isn't that what leadership is all about?

Just like in my own life, I believe that God has brought our ministry to a point where we're on the edge of something - something on a grand scale.

We just need more prayer.

Prayer is one of those things that becomes an after-thought in most churches. What would it be like to have a group of students, a group of church members, a group of anybody, praying with a strain in their voice, almost begging God to listen, because there is something they NEED.

I know someone who is praying with an ache right now, this morning. One of our support staff at the church had to go the hospital this morning because her dad was taken into the ER. The doctors informed her that she has to make the decision to keep him on life support or take him off of it. I cannot even imagine the emotions and pressure hanging in the balance of this decision. But she is a pray-er. I know it. I also know that she is bending the ear of God to the plight of her father this morning.

Crazy things would start to happen if people prayed like that every day, for every thing. Some people would call those crazy things miracles. I know, I know, miracles don't happen in our churches. My opinion is that there is a direct correlation between our lack of intensity in prayer and the lack of miraculous events we witness.

I read books like the Gospel of Matthew and Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire and I can't help but feel God would make His works known among humanity if people prayed to the point that they felt it deep down in the depths of their being.

Well, hey, didn't mean for this to be a thing on prayer, but I guess it's where I am at today.

So I ask myself, "What would I tell God that I need from Him if He were standing in front of me right now?"

Man, that list is long. I would tell God as pointedly as possible what I need Him to do in my life. I would be passionate about it, too. I would tell Him what I need and I would ask Him to act now. In His providence, of course. Not that I would be pushy with the Almighty, but something in me says God would react if I went to Him with urgency and humility.

I think there is a conversation waiting to happen now...

Thursday morning (without coffee)

2006-09-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today is full of projects needing attention and care,
Projects like strategy and Jr. High Ministry.
My day seems so full I don't have a minute to spare,
And starting today is hard without coffee.

A great thing today is the frigid feel of the air,
So I go to my office and nothing motivates me.
The mountain of stuff ahead is a bear,
But getting going on it I just don't see.

Wasting time like this seems fair,
For the hours I put in are long and many.
I wonder how long I will continue to share,
With you thoughts of this morning insanity.

I guess I will begin my day with a stare,
At my computer, hoping that someone will make coffee.
The rest of the day will be to me wear and tear,
Longing for a shack on the beach for the wife and me.

McLibel, SYATP, and ORANGE

2006-09-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

This morning was See You at the Pole 2006. I went to Springfield High School where I didn't know what or who to expect. I was very glad to see a few faces show up in the name of prayer.

The feeling was interesting when I got there. I rolled up in my car, parked in plain view of the flag pole, and saw zero people. It was 6:56 AM. So I called one of my boys and he didn't answer. Hopefully, I thought, he was driving to the school and unable to hear his phone because of his stereo. Then I called another student, happy to hear she was parking in back and getting ready to come around front. So I got out, realized it was much colder, got in my trunk and got a sweatshirt out of my golf bag, and walked up to the school.

Over the next few minutes, students would come and join hands in groups around the flag pole. SYATP is one of those things where adults can't really lead anything, so students have to step up to do it. And they did.

Before we prayed, some students led us in a few songs. Funny thing there, though - I was standing beside a girl who is new to "all this church stuff" and she didn't know any of the songs aside from Amazing Grace. But she knows how to talk to God - with real emotion. Refreshing to hear someone tell God what's really going on and what they think about it.

So we prayed for friends, country, school, church, equals out to a great morning.

Well, that, and enjoying a Redeye from Starbucks and conversation pre-school with students.

A Redeye is a cup of coffee with a shot of espresso. Yummy. If you like that eye-popping sort of feeling. And I do.

I went home after that to see my puppy for a bit and enjoy the rest of my coffee. I turned on FSTV (Free Speech TV) for some great morning mind-awakening. There was a couple from across the pond in the UK that was suing McDonald's for manipulating children into unhealthy choices. This court battle lasted for about three years. In year two, McD's sent an executive team over to settle out of court. This couple made a secret recording of the conversation. It was pretty interesting. I watched for a while and then packed up to go to the office.

Once at the office, some good words were exchanged between me and a colleague. She told me about this church that is starting a project called ORANGE. That kind of upset me.

ORANGE was a name for something I was going to do. I don't know what I was going to do, but I was going to call it ORANGE.

Why?

I am a firm believer in fruit.

Well, that's not the reason.

I believe that if you have an idea, you should do whatever it takes to "make it juicy."

Oranges are juicy. But you can't call something "JUICY." ORANGE is a great name.

I guess I will have to continue my creative pursuits and come up with something else - again.

Hey - it's Wednesday.

Do something positive today.

best new show

2006-09-26T06:22:00.001-07:00

I have held my opinion in on the fall's best new show, but I can hold no longer.

After watching the Season Premier for a bunch of new shows, I have boiled it down to one show that has got them all beat.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

The writing on this show is great. The idea is creative. How they play it out is creative. Tension between characters is very watch-able. I was surprised to see that one of the main characters plays a born-again Christian with their faith in the right place. She talks about Jesus in the right context, makes her faith a priority, and she is not a crazy Christian at all.

Aside from this character, the two main guys are writers, and hey, I'm a writer sometimes.

Best new show. Seriously. Watch it. It's good TV. Better than movies, these days.

Monday morning, part 2

2006-09-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

I came up with a new job for myself.

I just wish somebody was hiring this position, because I would give up a lot of things to have a job like this.

Pastor of Clarity

My first order of business would be to identify who should quit talking in public, who should continue to talk, and who should start talking.

Most of what is said in churches across America is just plain confusing. We speak without thinking.

But the Pastor of Clarity would clear all this up. The Pastor of Clarity would take a quick glance at everything that is printed, make changes if necessary, and would also be a part of every meeting that plans what is spoken in public.

Somebody form the position and get back to me.

Other duties of the Pastor of Clarity would be to form a Simplicity Department, where ideas and projects are brought, and then simplified. Sermons could be boiled down to one point, one sentence, thus maximizing the impact. Projects could be simplified so as to accomplish one purpose, instead of thirteen. Strategy could be broken down into easily identifiable steps, not programs. Words could be put into pictures, because people think in pictures anyway.

I need to get paid to do this.

Or we need to start teaching this stuff somewhere. Maybe, instead of "Pastor of Clarity," it should be "Professor of Clarity." That might make a bigger difference.

Well, maybe, I think churches need these people in their offices.

I might be on to something. I mean, really, who likes looking at things through a fuzzy lens?

Monday morning

2006-09-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

For some, Monday mornings are full of things we dislike - mornings, beginnings, meetings, and morning people who are clearly too happy for their own good.

Today was a typical Monday for the most part - dragging myself out of bed this morning was half the battle, and driving to the gym at 6-something was the other half of the battle.

Once I got to the gym, I had a great talk with Terry, and Henry. Turns out Terry (works at the gym and is very disciplined) is the #4 Tournament Bass Fisher in the state. Great stories from this guy - he comes from a family of Professional Boxers, and he has a gym bag signed by Evander Holyfield - seriously. This guy is great. And friendly. And disciplined, but I think I mentioned that.

Henry is one of the guys I see every M-W-F. He has an incredible vocabulary and is pretty funny! He agreed that just getting to the gym this morning was half the battle.

It got cold last night and the bedroom was nice and chilly and I was warm under the sheet, two light blankets, and a homemade quilt. The dog was on the end of the bed and I did not want to roll back the covers and stand up. But my concsience wouldn't let me not go to the gym.

So I went. I "enjoyed" myself as much as one can "enjoy" pain in the hopes of strengthening your body.

The second item that is usually on my Monday to-do-list is coffee with some guys who do what I do. It's always a great time, making fun of each other, trying to plan some things, pawning off work on each other, the usual.

However, this morning the topic of money in ministry came up. Specifically, the question was brought up, "What does Jesus mean when he talks about the difficulty of a rich man getting to heaven?"

Much honest conversation ensued about American Christianity, how much pastors should make, how much money we throw away on our houses, and communal living.

We talked about how it is much easier for the average middle-class person to give away time to poor people, while it's easier for the upper-class to write a check. Both actions make each group feel good about themselves. But I think the actions should be reversed, and them combined.

Rich people, if they want to obey Jesus, should (1) spend time with poor people and (2) give them a big fat check without wondering where it's going.

Middle class people, if they want to obey Jesus, should (1) write a check that hurts and not wonder where it's going while (2) spending time with "those who we're called to love."

Then it was brought up that we should all quit the rat race we find ourselves in. We should quit searching for "just a bit more" and "give a bit more away."

What would happen if we quit spending so much money on ourselves and start to "be the change we want to see in the world?" Honestly, we do spend a ton of money on ourselves. I hear that a preacher in Michigan wants to make it his goal for his offering check to be the largest check he writes every month.

How cool would that be? I mean, seriously, the "tithe" is the radical minimum standard anyway. We need to stop seeing the tithe as so much, because it's honestly so little of all we have.

This conversation we had was honest. Just plain honest. It's been a while since I've had a conversation without pretenses.

It felt good. It was the catalyst I needed this morning to have an honest conversation with God about money and step up my desire to make a positive impact in my world. Well, the desire has always been there, but now I guess it has some hands and feet to it.

So today, may you see that you are blessed. May you marvel at what you have only to see how much of it you could give away. May you begin to understand that you are a solution to someone's problems. May we all give freely and watch God multipy it. May we see the physical and emotional landscape of our cities change because Christians authentically care about the plight of the poor and under-served.

green puppy feet

2006-09-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

I was mowing my yard a couple of nights ago and a really funny thing happened.

After I got done in the back, Maximus came out and he wanted to play. Really, that means he wants me to chase him. So chase him I did. Around and around in circles.

Time passes and I need to mow the front before we take him for a walk. I tell Maximus to go inside while I go to the front of the yard. I see him emerge from the grass and go onto the cement and up the stairs.

I stop him halfway up the stairs because I noticed his four little Yorkie paws were green from the fresh-cut grass.

It was really a funny sight to behold. Maximus the Yorkie with black hair on his back, brown hair everywhere else, and green feet.

Wish I had a picture, but our battery charger for our digital camera broke a while ago. I went to go get a new one, and then I didn't buy one because the charge was $60. The camera itself is at least 5 years old so I think we may just buy a new camera sometime.

Or ask for one for Christmas. Hint. Hint.

family

2006-09-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

Reading my sister's ramblings, I mean postings, about her daughter (my niece) has given me the motivation once again to start writing.

I haven't been writing much lately. At all. I think the last time I sat down to write a full-blown sermon was sometime in May or June.

That's not a good thing. I miss it. I think not having to write a sermon is okay for a while, as it gives me space to feed my Photoshop habit, but I think it's taking it's toll on me.

I have all these pent up thoughts and feelings. I'll read something and immediately think how I would verbalize that for a crowd of people trying to understand God.

To that end, my wife and I had another great talk while on another great walk.

Maximus the Yorkie is now to the point where, come 4:30 in the afternoon, he's whimpering and looking out the door. Not because there is another dog, or bird, or squirrel, or anything really, but because he knows it's about time for his daily walk.

The puppy does love his walks. And his owners do, too. (Okay, we call ourselves his parents, but seriously everyone does that - right?)

As we were walking and talking and looking for houses to buy (we're not really seriously looking, but it's not out of the question, I guess - but who knows), we got to talking about church and churches and all the stuff surrounding where we're at and what we're doing. I'm not always certain I fit in where I work.

You ever been there?

I think I have the reputation around where I work as "the impatient guy who questions."

I call it job security. Some people may get annoyed by it, but that's ok.

Granted, I have never worked in a place that has moved fast enough for me. I don't know that I ever will.

I do challenge the status quo. With excellence, of course. Challenging the status quo is job security for me. If you've always got the new ideas, then organizations will want to keep you around - unless you're stupid about it and think you're God's answer for everything that happens and will happen in that place. So to challenging the status quo, I say go for it - but be smart about it because people need to be led to the future by seeing it first and then following the leader into the unknown.

So back to my wife's words of wisdom. I asked her what a church for us would look like. She said it wouldn't be too terribly different from what we have now, it would just be more concise.

That is HUGE. Those words are powerful. It would just be more concise. Yep. That's it. That's "less for more." That's "narrow the focus." That's "simplify." That's "reduce to an irreducible minimum."

Huge words that still have me thinking and plotting and discovering exactly how to make that happen.

I love my wife. She makes life interesting. I think she got a little upset yesterday because I was supposed to mow and it started raining. So I didn't mow. Secretly, I was kind of glad about it. I told her I was bummed that I couldn't mow, but she saw through that.

I'll be mowing this afternoon. Either before or after we walk Maximus for a couple of miles.

Tell you what, my puppy is a trooper. We walked for a good three miles once and he went strong until we got to our block on the way home. Then he started to slow up and just kind of walk. We went inside, where he proceeded to find the AC vent and lay on top of it.

Oh yeah, Maximus is getting more spoiled by the day. We'll fill up his water bowl and he'll drink a little bit, sure, but what he really wants is for us to fill up a glass and let him drink out of it. Crazy. And, of course, we do it.

stayin' alive

2006-09-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

I am having a heck of a time focusing.

I just can't seem to focus this week. Monday, Tuesday, I was ok, but as the week went on so my mind quickly outgrew the space made for it.

Our Head Maintenance guys just walked through the hall and said, "Is it Monday or Friday?"

It needs to be Friday. I'm glad it is.

This weekend I am taking a few people on a retreat. Should be great times. Relaxation, laughter, everything high school students need to connect with the Almighty and one another.

It's that connecting with God piece that has been hard this week. Along with my focus, my mind has drifted in and out of the reality of God's presence with me.

I've been reading some fantastic stuff recently.

I finished the second novel of my life not too long ago. It's called, "And the Shofar Blew" by Francine Rivers. Yeah, I know, not the manliest book, but relevant to me and some friends. Great book. Foundational, even. The first novel I read? Three, by ted Dekker. Great, but not as good as the Shofar book. It's funny, because my wife reads a book a week or so, all novels. I'm not too far behind in the reading thing, but I read all not-novels. So reading a novel is a big deal for me.

I've also been into A.W. Tozer a little bit. As my friend Gil once said, "Reading Tozer is like sitting still and letting someone punch you in the face." He's right. Mr. Tozer was a man of faith who simply wrote down what he was learning, how he learned it, and what it means for the life of Christianity.

Here's a great quote from Tozer:

"Others before me have gone much farther into these holy mysteries than I have done, but if my fire is not large it is yet real, and there may be those who can light their candle at its flame."

Think for yourself on that one.

I've also been into Leviticus pretty heavy. The correlations and parallels to Jesus are all over the place. Pretty fascinating stuff. And awe-inspiring to see the plan of God planned out. Leviticus describes what holy living is about and the reality was that God was telling people to do this and do that in a certain way so as to live rightly and be in harmony with Him. But people are people and they screw up.

I don't understand grace. Really, I don't. I mean, I do in a way, but I don't. It's one of the unfathomable mysteries of the faith that I am humbled to receive. Deserving? No way. Certain I have it? Somehow, yes, even though I am human and humanity does not deserve grace.

So, really, this week, here's what I've come to.

God is supremely perfect. I am not. Simple truth, but still truth.

coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee

2006-09-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

it's amazing how motivated you are after two cups of coffee

it seems that I have really gotten quite a bit done this morning - I'll thank the coffee for that

I find myself this morning being really excited about this fall in youth ministry. Things are just seeming to come together. I think it's God's blessing on the church. For everything that we don't have settled, for everything that we don't have our act together on, I think it will be ok. For the first time, I think it will be ok.

We are launching out in some new areas of ministry and I've delayed any emotion on it until now. I think it will be ok.

God is really blessing the church - I can see it in the youth ministry firsthand.

But I think to myself - isn't God blessing the church something he promised to do? Through the years, church has changed and people have been leading that shouldn't have been leading. And they get weeded out over time. And God blesses others over time.

For the first time, I feel grounded in the fact that I am where I am supposed to be right now. That is such a freeing feeling.

I need a Frappucino. And $300,000.00 If you've got it and want to give it to a cause, let me know.

Leviticus

2006-08-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

That's a book of the Bible for those of you who don't do the faith thing. For those of that do have a Bible, read it occasionally, Leviticus is probably one of the more "clean" books in your Bible. I don't say clean in the "washed and cotton-fresh scent of clothes on the line." I say clean in the regard that the pages are clean from non-use.

Thus was partly true for me. Until a few days ago. Leviticus outlines holiness. There are so many parallels to Jesus and how our lives are today that I can't read it without feeling a sense of, "Wow, I get it now. I totally get what God was doing."

I think I'm starting to get what God is doing in my life, too. Reading the Old Testament helps a ton, but I'm beginning to experience what I think God is up to in my life.

I've been convicted a few times lately about "being present." I've let my mind shift to many different places I might rather be than where I am. I've come to the conclusion - or the Holy Spirit has made it clear to me - that being fully present wherever I find myself is the only way I am going to be able to do God's will in my life.

I have the tendency to talk about God's will as a future-tense thing, something that I am going to do someday. While I do believe there is a sacred job to be done at some point in my life, I am doing God's will right now. He placed me in a certain situation and fully immersing myself in it is allowing God to shape my heart through the various experiences I have.

Shaping and molding is becoming far more important than I once thought it was. Because when you mold something, you usually mold it into the shape of something. I am pursuing the shape of God's heart and letting the Holy Spirit have the full run of my life.

I find that myself and most people don't let God root out their souls because of the unknown on the other side. It's comfy and safe to stay in the patterns and habits that we know, but the unknown life is much more full...and whole.

When I sat down this morning, I didn't know if what was inside would come out, but some of it did.

One last thing, I have a very cute niece.

sis

2006-08-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

My beloved sister told me she was going to make a blog. She called me to get some creative names for it. I came up with some funny ones, and then we landed on one that she liked.

Not to spoil the surprise by telling you about my sister's blog, but, like you, I'm missing out on some killer insight and some hilarious stories.

Let's be honest. My sister loves life and life loves to let her have fun. She's got some funny stories.

Like the time she was driving me back from Ft. Wayne to her place in Kendallville, IN. We were sitting in the car engaged in conversation and the radio is on in the background and she hears a song she likes.

Almost immediately, disregarding that I'm even in the car at this point, she blasts the radio and starts singing her heart out.

After that song, we played a fun car game on the two-lane highway. Try to get the car to go between the reflectors between the two lanes. She didn't get the idea right away. Most people just try to slowly go through two sets of reflectors on the road. I guess she didn't get that. She jerked the car between one set of reflectors, almost sending us into the ditch at a very high rate of speed.

I explained that you don't have to fit the car between one set of reflectors, you can slowly glide through two or three...

Ah well, the fact remains that I don't know the status of her blog. Well, she might do the writing, but it's Addison's blog. Let's be honest.

You may want to call her and push her a bit on the blog-creating business.

260.602...oh never mind...she'll get to it in between daipers, I guess.

Ha! Daipers - that makes me laugh.

i'm really bad at updating

2006-08-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

other things I'm currently bad at:

1. getting the floor to dry after I put stain on it - this darn humidity is for the birds
2. keeping my desk clutter-free - it's like anything that comes in to my office needs to stop at my desk first
3. following up - I have a guy I need to call back and I just haven't done it - I guess I could be doing that right now
4. I guess there are three more calls I need to make - but again, I'm typing with two hands and have no hands free to dial
5. keeping grass alive - I'm glad it started to rain again - for a minute I thought we lived in Arizona - oh wait the humidity made me realize we're still in the Midwest - still.
6. watching my diet - ice cream gets the best of me every time - but it's ice cream, right Grandpa? (I get my love of ice cream handed down through to me through the generations - you don't get between me and ice cream)
7. wait, I don't have a diet - but I do eat too much ice cream
8. cleaning my coffee cup - so I have these mugs which I drink coffee out of, but I'm really bad at cleaning them out after I'm done - I usually wait until the next day to wash it - but I do wash it out before I drink out of it
9. focusing - for some reason I've just been out of my zone recently - maybe it's the end-of-summer letdown
10. I think that's enough for now.

Although there are things I need to start/stop/continue doing, there are some great things happening, too.

I've stopped caring about a few little petty things that were around a few months ago. It just doesn't matter. I've started to care, deeply, for a few souls under my care. I'm continuing to love and cherish my wife. I wrote her a note a week ago and it's still out - almost as if it's on display.

I'm heading out to be on display here in a little while. Our church is going to be in the State Fair parade handing out bottled water to people along the parade route. Should be an interesting servant evangelism evening.

Oh yeah, Apple just finished their Developer's Conference and brought out some very cool new things! If I had to work in the business world, it would have to be for Apple or Starbucks. They're the only two companies I know of that would motivate me to get out of bed to work for them. But I already worked for Starbucks...

I'll try to be better at updating. Promise. To try, that is.

momentum

2006-07-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from a Summer Conference with the majority of my high school students. I think it may have been the best week I have ever had with a group of students.

Don't get me wrong, mission trips are great. Retreats are cool, but there was something about this week that got a huge ball of momentum going.

The ball is rolling and picking up steam and we're riding the wave as long as we can. Now it's my responsibility to contextualize this wave into the fabric of the student ministry.

It feels like I just got to this church all over again. But this time I'm at a huge advantange because I know all the in's and out's of everything. I'm really looking forward to this fall.

I'm looking for God to move and work in a big way.

Leadership, unity, and prayer. It's all about those three.

And loving people. It's all (all) about loving people.

The way you love people is the way you love God.

yeah, yeah, I know...

2006-07-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

This is the official apology for not writing in what seems like forever.

I'll go into list-boy mode here for a few minutes and then maybe I'll go into story-boy mode and I might end with wishful-boy mode.

Things that have been holding my attention over the past month or so...

1. Mission trip to Juarez, Mexico (check out Casas por Cristo - great trip)
2. Camp at Lake Springfield Christian Assembly (kudos to the many great people that joined up for the cause)
3. Cell phones (I've been talking on mine way too much and fascinating over the Motorola Q)
4. My puppy (he seriously is the cutest little puppy-man in the world)
5. My wife (she's simply gorgeous and fun and smart and healthy and full of love)
6. My car (she's just a lot of fun to drive)
7. My house (we ripped up carpet, stripped paint off baseboard, painted two different colors of lime, getting ready to sand the floor, patching plaster walls, and getting messy - in the soon-to-be-Kellie's-new-reading-room)
8. My job (sometimes it feels more like a job than others, but still worth the sacrifice)

Things I miss right now...

1. Addison Kay (I'm making an official prediction that she will be voted either most likely to succeed or most popular in her senior class - and she's only a month old - Sis, give her a little hug from Uncle Bub)
2. Quality time with the wife (life has been a roller coaster for a while now and I'm ready for it to slow down - preferrably on a beach in Tahiti, but the left or right coast will work fine...)
3. Alone time (the last time I spent time that was me-time was in May)
4. Reading (summer is the worst time for me to try and read a book)
5. Simplicity (living in the 1800's sounds very appealing, but I do like the old air conditioner)

So this morning I did a teaching out at our camp for a camp full of 9th grade students. This would now mark the tenth (or less) time that I have communicated without notes. It's a new thing that I'm trying. I don't really trust myself to just keep talking without having notes, but maybe the words I'm using are words not from myself. I have a tendency to ramble when the given the chance, though, so I don't really trust myself to go without notes for long.

But comunicating without notes is pretty fun when you have a handle on what you want to say. Depending on the setting, you can engage your audience much better. Regardless, though, I guess I'm letting you know that I'm preparing a little differently, communicating a little differently, and loving it a little more.

That would mark the end of story-time.

Now on to what I would wish for on this day...

I wish that everyone had someone that believed in them. My wife and I had lunch with an amazing person the other day and he made it very clear that he believed in me. He said some things that made me question my self-worth. He clearly puts a lot of value in my words, thoughts, and being. But I don't put much stock in myself. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's a bad thing.

Having someone that believes in you is a blessing that some never come across. I'm grateful for those people who have come in my path and noted their blessing on my life. I just wish everyone knew that someone believed in them and wanted to move forward the cause you have given your life to.

of everything that could be...

2006-07-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

There are a few moments in life that come out of nowhere and make you think about your own situation and place in this world. Those moments can be very emotional and make you long for the touch of someone you love.

My place in this world right now is figuring out what I'm good at and not good at. Once I can figure that out, I can move (quickly) to fulfilling my vision for ministry. But that's secondary right now.

I am a witness to stories of life everyday. Some of those stories grab you and won't let you go. I was immersed into one today. Without going into details, I couldn't cease to think about it.

It made me want to stretch every ounce of life out of life. It made me want to taste and smell and eat and enjoy friendship and love deeply and, simply, live life to the fullest.

It also made me realize that life is really about love. The measure to which you love is the measure to which you will find life. I want to love deeply so I can live wonderfully.

So to my wife (who eventually will read this) - my life is somehow so perfect and complete when filled with all of who you are. It's like being together with you was planned for a long, long time. And I just found out a few years ago.

To those that I call friends - it's the laughter and the moments that we don't plan that are the best.

Life really is about love. Loving the moments. Drinking deeply from the well of living water. Loving all of life so as to live a life full of love.

I'm an uncle!

2006-06-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

My sister is a mom, my parents are grandparents and now I'm stepping into the "official" adult world of "Uncle."

I'm really not worried about it - they had a girl. This means my dad will be looking for the "cutest little outfits" and bibs that say, "I love my grandpa." He already went looking at tricycles. Seriously.

But this will be fun. My wife's brothers already have kids, so I guess I'm an uncle that way, but this is the official one.

Here she is:

Addison Kay

8 lbs
5 oz
21 inches long

and..."cute as a button"

"What do you think is under the carpet?"

2006-06-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

That's the question my wife asked me last night around 11pm. We had just gone and watched The Breakup with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. I must admit it's a funny movie.

So we're sitting on the couch and my wife is looking at paint colors for her "reading room." I think the top choice so far is "Juicy Lime." You can infer from the name about how bright that may end up being.

But there is carpet in the room now, or at least there was last night around 11. She asked me how good the wood was under the carpet and I said, "Let's find out!"

We walked upstairs, tools in hand, and tore the carpet out of one of the rooms. THE PROJECT IS OFFICIALLY STARTED.

No turning back now.

Here's the crazy thing. We're leaving for Mexico tomorrow on a mission trip. Oh well, something to look forward to when we get back.

I'll keep you posted.

office (re)organization

2006-06-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I moved my desk again. This marks the ninth time I have moved my office around. Should I be concerned about the fact that I move my desk about every four months?

Is that a sign of something more serious?

Yeah, I didn't think so either. I just get impatient with "how things are."

And that goes for whether we're talking about the church or anything else. I'm just not a status quo kind of guy.

I feel the need to apologize to some people because of this. But I only feel that way when I'm speaking with someone who doesn't mind the status quo.

There was one time when I went to go get a t-shirt made for myself. I walked in with the design and everything - the shirt said, "We've never done it that way before."

The company didn't make me the shirt. I guess they didn't like that.

Oh well - I have a student in our youth group who is going to into fashion design and she told me she'd make clothes for me. She'd make me the shirt.

Well, if you haven't noticed I'm really just rambling today. I'm trying to find the right words for a thing I'm working on so I figured if I spit enough words out then the right words will come soon enough.

Oh yeah, I got a new car. I'm currently taking applications to name her. I'll put a picture up soon.

Lifestraw

2006-05-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

So there's this new thing out there called the "Lifestraw." Before you read this, go get a glass of ice cold water. Seriously. Get a glass. Fill with ice. Enjoy. Simple.

This "Lifestraw" is supposedly able to be used in third world countries to make drinking water safe. Audacious goal, especially when you think that over half of the world's population does not have access to clean drinking water. They (the inventors and whoever else that has seen one in person) say that there is no training involved in using a lifestraw. You just have to know how to suck out of a straw.

But this isn't just any straw. It's supposed to be able to be put down in, um, let's say nasty, water and someone could get clean, purified water from it. The thing has seven filters or so and is good for a year's worth of drinking water for one person.

Here's the cool thing. No one is really "selling" them in the US. While they would be great for hiking and camping, the real use is for underdeveloped countries. The big idea right now is to get people to purchase a Lifestraw and have it be sent over to an impoverished nation.

The great news? It's going to be $3.

I'm in.

Concerning the Lifestraw - if it works as good as they say it does, this thing could revolutionize the impact that Christians could have on the world that is not yet.

I also had a frightening conversation with a few friends yesterday about this little Lifestraw. I say little because it's not a full-blown triple reverse osmosis filter that Starbucks installs in their stores. It's the size of a cardboard toilet paper roll and just a little longer. Very convenient size when you have to carry baskets full of mangoes on your head.

My frightening conversation involved me being able to prove the worth of this little Lifestraw. You see, I'm working to get two things going. One is the Illinois Christian Teen Convention
and the other is a little mission trip to Juarez, Mexico. As we all know, Juarez - and much of Mexico, doesn't exactly have what you would call "clean and safe drinking water."

I've been challenged to use the Lifestraw to "prove her worth" so that we might be able to change some people's lives by having 3000 high school students buy one and send them to a place that, gasp, doesn't have a Starbucks.

Here's the problem, though.

Lifestraw's aren't necessarily available yet. But a friend spoke with the President of the Lifestraw organization and I was told that he could "work something out" because he is more than willing to spread the good word about Lifestraw.

And I guess I'm willing, too. I mean, really. I should be able to use it in Mexico and be fine. Rwandan water has to be worse than Mexico water, right?

Oh, and I hope the ice cold glass of clean drinking water you just enjoyed didn't make you feel too guilty.

$4 coffee

2006-05-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

$4 coffee has become a way of life.

How crazy is that?

I don't know how it really happened this way, but going to Starbucks is just a little whipped cream topping on a great day.

The wife and I love going to our local Starbucks (all 4 of them) for a good mocha, or white mocha, or Caramel Mocha Frappucino (thanks, Gil - for the inspiration).

But you know - it's not about the drinks or the pastries. Although the drinks are always high-quality (Starbucks manages to keep great quality control in their ever-expanding empire.)
The pastries are tasty. Not very good for you, but goodness, they taste great.

No, Starbucks is a good escape from the world. I relish the opportunity to enjoy a great drink, a great pastry, and great conversation with great people.

You may have thought I would be complaining about spending $4 on coffee, but no, quite the opposite is true. I don't mind it at all. One because of the quality of everything offered, the other is the environment. Starbucks knows how to do environment - and well.

When you add those two things up, you have a place that you want to go to escape from the world.

I'm coming to realize that escapes aren't all bad. Some can become addictions - then they're bad - but escaping from the world is really just a respite from the monotony of the mundane which most of us calll normal life.

We twist reality so much. Have you ever wondered about that? The realities we create for ourselves are really pretty messed up versions of the ideal life that we wish for ourselves someday.

I almost started diving into the deep end of the swimming pool. But I'll keep my floaties on today.

I don't mind paying for Starbucks.

leadership, phone calls, boy in love, and puppy birthday parties

2006-05-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I'm writing about leadership, but I am.

I've been noticing traits of different leaders I surround myself with. Some I would consider to be intuitive leaders, others I would consider to have learned leadership along the way. I believe there are two types of leaders. Born (intuitive) and learned. The best mix is when you have both. People who are born with leadership have the instict that is required to challenge the process. Then it's the people with the learned leadership who have the experiences that have tempered their steel to bend a certain way.

The best leader is one who is born with the instincts and has been tempered with the right experiences to be wise about their position in leadership.

People born with leadership have a certain charisma about them. People who have learned leadership don't necessarily have the charisma, but they can at least fake it.

Born leaders also can remedy a situation in milliseconds. They know the decisions they make on the move will either benefit or destroy their leadership. Born leaders hate to wait. Learned leaders, however, pull in all the facts and evaluate before a decision is made. The hybrid, though, can instinctively be aware of the deeper issues in the situation and make a decent decision on the go.

Whether you're born with the leadership gift or have learned it along the way, I still believe that leadership is a gift. If you don't have it, please, by all means, save the rest of us the misery along the way and don't try to trudge through it. It frustrates us all.

Ok, that's the leadership lesson for the day. Hope you enjoyed it.

Meanwhile, I had 4 voicemails on my phone when I left it sit on my desk for 8 minutes. That's one call every 30 seconds. How does that happen?

I need to get a new number. Or a Treo. Whatever.

Oh yeah, I saw some good people at the art show in downtown Springfield this weekend. It was neat to watch these two interact. I think he's smitten with her. At least that's the wife's take on the situation. And she's probably right. She usually is.

And yesterday was Maximus the Yorkie's 2nd birthday. Happy Birthday to my puppy! That means he got two treats in one sitting yesterday. He was ecstatic. And spazztastic. I think we're going to have a puppy birthday party sometime soon and invite all his puppy friends over. Dash, Maggie, Gus, and Gertie will all be welcome for some organic puppy cake and ice cream for the, um, parents.

Bird Flu Hits Florida Backyard

2006-05-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

church

2006-05-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

I have conflicting thoughts in my head right now.

One, I've been reading the book of Acts rather fervently lately. It's so completely refreshing to read that. I'm reading it like I don't know the story. It seems so holy to read that. It seems healthy.

Two, I'm in a meeting about the church right now. It seems complicated. Too complicated. There is something to be said about pursuing simplicity. Well, there is much to be said about that and nobody is saying any of it.

Conflicting thoughts. One is refreshing and two is exhausting.

I want to go mow my yard.

the one without the creative title

2006-05-10T06:03:00.000-07:00

Since I have been quite lazy when it comes to writing recently, I've decided to go for another list. Some of you really like lists, but others of you would rather read a story.

I'm a both kind of guy, so today I flipped a coin and you get a list.

For you analytical, right-brained, list-oriented people, you have won your battle for the day. Enjoy.

1. I'm going to a Cardinals Game today. For free. With friends. Box seats.
2. I attended a quasi-surprise birthday party last night. You can't beat ice cream cake.
3. I grilled salmon the other night. I was pretty impressed with myself. It was the making of a real meal.
4. The Psalms (that's in the Bible - middle book - big one - can't miss it) can catch a guy off-guard. In a great way.
5. There is a pretty pivotal meeting I will be sitting in on later. It's been the focus of much prayer and discernment lately. Last night, after it was dark and calm outside, I took Maximus for a walk. Apparently he thought we were taking a walk so he could bark at other puppies. But the walk was more for me to clear my head and pray. It was a good walk, but no clarity came because of it - at least not yet.
6. Being a mentor is a tough thing.

Hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed day.

And for those of you who are pregnant (Sis), make sure you take it easy and eat some extra-rich fudgy and creamy ice cream for that niecephew of mine.

I need to quit using Post-It Notes...

2006-05-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

again...

Every once in a while I'll get into this nasty habit of using Post-It Notes and little pads of paper to write down information and phone numbers and call logs and prices for events and dates and calendar items and...everything.

So let me count the notes on my desk this morning...

There is a sorry combination of 16 Post-It's and little pieces of yellow paper that have all kinds of information that I need (or needed).

I really need to quit doing this.

Sometimes I don't use them that much and actually put items that need to go in my calendar - in my calendar - and I'll put down contact names and numbers - in my contacts.

But lately I've been using these blasted little notes for eveything and now my desk is cluttered with them.

I think I'll stop the madness today.

I'll be throwing them all away in just a few short minutes, taking my desk from being a blend of pink and yellow paper to nice brown wood again.

want to go back

2006-05-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been anything but normal. So here I am, looking at pictures from vacation and wishing we were there again. That would be the pool in the foreground and the Caribbean in the background with very comfortable beach chairs by the pool. Definitely want to go back.

what's a good place?

2006-05-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

Not to eat, or go on vacation.

But I'm finding myself asking one of those difficult questions.

Tempered with a bit of self-awareness, here's the question I'm asking.

What's a good place to be spiritually?

Lately I've been lying awake at night, wondering about things. Future things, present things, past things - I've been thinking about everything ... awake ... at night.

One of these questions I've been pondering is that spiritual spot where one finds themselves to be that is good.

Here's the thing. Brokenness is good, but momentum is also good. Open is good, but closed can be good, too. A worshipful place can be good, but so can a secular place.

Where's a good place to be spiritually?

I find the answer to be "everywhere."

No matter where I am spiritually, there I am. Profound. I know. Book coming soon.

But really, if I have a genuine relationship with God, that means that wherever I find myself in the day should be healthy and I should consider it a growing moment.

I read something the other day that has shifted me from a sturdy place and has me standing in Jell-O.

"If you have a relationship with your wife, your mom, your dad, whatever...that relationship is close and intimate...and that relationship is anything but organized. If you have a real relationship with God, don't organize it."

Extend hand towards face. Slap face. That was a wake-up call for me.

The best place for me to be spiritually is where I am - so long as I have God's interest in mind, not my own.

Being so close to dinnertime now, I find myself asking about a good place to eat...

how long will it last?

2006-04-28T07:39:00.000-07:00

We're talking about sin here.

I have had many conversations regarding sin recently. Upon reflection in my own life, I have come to a conclusion. There are things that people say about how long sin will last in someone's life. Some people think sin will last forever in your life. Others say that sin can be overcome. Others say that sin will last until you get mad enough at it to stop it.

But, upon reflection, my (sub)profound conclusion is that it will last as long as you want it to.

Sin is birthed by desire. That's in the Bible. Desire lasts as long as we keep feeding it.

I think the Buddhists are on to something. On the way to enlightenment, one thing you must do is purge all desire.

Desire is a great gift that God has given the human character. But humanity screws up desire. We long for things that are full of holes, not holy, things that draw us away from holy. We feed desire and when you feed something it grows. Sometimes it grows beyond your wildest dreams. It's desire. That's what it does.

This is why sin will last as long as you want it to.

I'm not sure what that does for you today, but hopefully something.

Da Vinci Code

2006-04-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is what you think it is.

The Da Vinci Code.

I'm in the middle of it right now. It is one of the best stories I am aware of - ever.

It is written very well. Intrigue, mystery, it's all there. It's a wonderful story.

Which brings me to the "issue" at hand when it comes to the Da Vinci Code.

Some people, and churches, are boycotting this story because of rumors that it's not "Biblically-based." Of course it's not. It's a great story! Written by a creative man!

I hope the churches I know and love will not be "one of those" churches. "Those" churches are communities of people who boycott companies and formulate rallies whenever something goes against the grain of our monotheistic Christian worldview.

It's my hope that churches everywhere will embrace this great story because it gets people thinking about religious things. Getting people to think about religious things leads them to thinking about their own "religiosity." Embracing this opportunity would be a welcome change from the way that most churches react to inherently unChristian media, art, etc.

And we wonder why people stay away from church. People stay away because they see our war flags drawn whenever something threatens to pierce the armor of the sacred beliefs (read - traditions) of the church.

Come on, people, we exist in a real world that doesn't revolve around Christianity - yet. Christians have to learn how to exist in a world that is not their own but still be able to transform regular, everyday, secular space into sacred space just by being there.

Ok, rant finished.

I'm actually in a very pleasant mood today. I spent some time in my backyard with my dog and a good book and the feeling of the cool grass under my feet was extremely refreshing.

I also tried the new Dr. Pepper Berries -n- Cream. Love it. Go get some if you're the soda drinking type. If you're not the soda drinking type, too bad. This is some classic soda fountain taste we're talking about here.

May you be blessed with a pleasant evening.

an everything morning

2006-04-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I was able to witness the intersection of several stories.

Mine, a group of senior-high students, a set of parents that remind me of my own, and a man that has been "there and back" in this life.

As the man shared his story, the surface issue was alcohol. He said it wasn't really about the alcohol, though. Deeper issues were there. The alcohol was just a way to not have to deal with those deeper issues.

Of those present in that living room last night, I saw many people with lives (herein referred to as stories) that include "not having to deal" with their deeper issues by involving themselves in various activities and things that grip their attention and hold their gaze.

As I drove home, I reflected on the story of my life. I wondered how many times I became involved in various vices in the attempt to not have the deal with the deeper issues of my life.

Then I began to count.

And I kept counting.

And, still, I kept counting.

Wholeness is something that has escaped me my entire life. It wouldn't seem possible, either.

My life has been characterized by family and blessings. I have always been surrounded by unbelievably great parents and an awesome sister (who is very pregnant right now). My extended family is fairly normal (about as normal as any extended family can be) - but still great and wonderful. My grandparents have been pillars of encouragement and love. Then we get into the church family. This territory is almost unspeakable because of the tenderness of love that was shown to me while growing up in that small country church. It felt as if I was surrounded by a large hedge of people who cared about my well-being and my future in the faith.

Family.

and blessings.

It seems as if my life has been one huge blessing. Born into a great family (um, see above). Bestowed with the material things that one needs. Given a sense of humor. I've gotten some things I've desired in life. Blessings. Lots of them. Too many to count. When I look at my life, I see my wife and she is a blessing to me. My house, my heritage, my heroes - all blessings I have.

But my life could also be characterized by brokenness.

And it's not a fun place to be.

You know you're broken when:

1. you've exhausted your personal resources
2. your talents are useless and not "working for you" anymore
3. your words have run out
4. the excuses cease to matter
5. someone speaks tough truth into your life and you're able to listen

I've felt like all of those a few times over in my life.

As my life is characterized by family, I'm grateful.
As my life is characterized by blessings, I'm grateful.
As my life is characterize by brokenness, I'm grateful.

I'm grateful because I know that if I am able to feel broken, I'm sensitive to the fact that I'm on my way to being whole.

Being whole is one of those things that has escaped me previously. But now, I'm ruthlessly pursuing it.

This means being a person who has dug up all the junk from the past and "stared it in the face" as I heard someone say once. I want to be able to stare my faults, sins, shortcomings, and oversteps in the face and see them for what I am - a created being that is one step closer to being like the Creator.

Not that I become a god or attain to that level of power or anything, but that I am becoming like Jesus - whole and on-mission - and waiting for the day when I become completely whole while standing in front of Jesus and hearing the most precious words ever spoken - "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

focus

2006-04-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

It's funny what happens when you let certain things go.

You're able to focus so much more on everything that is so much more important.

Focus is an incredible thing. I love it.

Oh yeah, I get to mow my yeard tonight. I'm excited. Last week I got into such a great "clarity of thought" mode whilst mowing that I mowed my back yard twice. It was great.

running smooth...make it stop...

2006-04-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Coming back from vacation and all is well...kind of makes me think that all is going a little too well.

Things are running very smooth in my world right now. Maybe it's the spring air that has rejuvenated me...or maybe it's the week away from everything related to the ordinary...

Whatever it is, I feel like I have a handle on my world right now.

But I don't think that's a good thing.

I've been reading some ancient literature as of late and there have been some things that struck me as odd, but eerily true.

Those things led me to think that being in control of my life isn't necessarily a good thing.

Another man once told me that a little choas is good in your life. And I would add in your ministries and marriages, too.

Control is overrated. It's not like I've tried to keep things in the office "under control" or anything. But they are under control.

This leads me to think that I need to do something to break out of the ordinary and do something that pushes me to live in the extraordinary.

It's in that crease between the end of myself and the beginning of God that magic happens.

and i'm back...

2006-04-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

vacation was cool.

very cool.

well, hot actually, but you know what I mean.

Here are a few things I discovered on vacation.

1. One must use suntan lotion even if you're only on the beach for an hour.
2. Marriages work best when mixed with sun, palm trees, and snorkeling.
3. Puppies really can get depressed when you leave them for a week.
4. Space between you and your problems decreases the size of those problems.
5. Having a tan in April is priceless.

In other news, a friend and I went out evangelizing yesterday. It was phenomenal. But last night, I couldn't shake this broken feeling I had for some reason. Don't know what caused it or why I felt that way, but I did. As I fixed supper, it was apparent to me that I didn't feel normal. Physically, I was fine. I'm working the Mexican cuisine out of my system and that's fine, but I think I was feeling some emotions that I hadn't felt in a while.

This morning I was able to get back together with some great friends and make fun of each other and talk about all things related to nothing. Coupled with coffee, it was awesome.

the moment has arrived

2006-04-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

I am officially on vacation...

A respite from this blog will be good for me...I hope to come back refreshed and full of insight and fresh perspective on life.

Viva la Mexico!

and vacation starts...

now!

on the other hand...

2006-04-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

I just may have won the challenge.

Yes, I think I did win the challenge.

I knew I would.

In other news, the rain is back. Never fear, I washed the car just in time - again. If we ever need rain, let me know and I'll wash the car. Never fails. Every time.

Oh, vacation is coming very soon!